Charlie's Journal;

10th December 2009.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:28:18 GMT

Crazzzyyy times in Falmouth.
It's been a mental few weeks, for myself at least.
So much going on in my head, so many feelings buzzing around!
It's all pretty clear and calm now I think...

Things have settled.
Things have been put straight.
Things have cleared up.
Things have been dismissed.
I can atleast quit the worrying!
I get too stressed out over little things.

I've been feeling really ill the past few days,
But I have been relieved of any worries.
I just feel sick constantly and I'm not sleeping well at all.
The past 3 days I have been up until 7am,
I see light outside and hear the seagulls wake up before I sleep!
But I'm feeling better and am sleeping all day to make up for it,
My sleeping pattern will sort out when I go home!

Handed in all of my uni work, Portfolio One finished!
Check http://charliederry.blogspot.com/ for all my article uploads!
I now have no real work to do and don't have to go to uni,
So Christmas holidays have pretty much started!!! :)

I'm really excited to go home!!
Can't wait to see family and friends!
Especially my little brother and sister,
And fun nights out with my best friends who I've needed the past few weeks!
And then to finally feel Christmassy!
With a tree at home and all my family round on Christmas day! :)
But I'm going to miss here so much,
It's only 2 weeks but I know I'll be looking forward to seeing everyone again!

There's only one thing worth complaining about anymore,
Or atleast maybe not to complain, just to want.
Just something I'm missing and can't wait to sort out.
Nights are pretty hard around here at the minute,
I miss the company, I think maybe another reason for the lack of sleep.
The comfort has gone and my fear of the dark has returned!
I'm going to miss it worse over the holidays.
And hoped to have it waiting for me when I returned,
But none of it is up to me.

There's so much I've wanted to write on here the past few days.
But thinking it pointless and maybe not a good idea incase it was read, I left it all bottled up.
I was put in a really awful situation the other night, one that I had to laugh off.
And all for one reason, which seems insignificant to them.
Have some bad views about me, which non are true.
I've turned into a bit of a sappy loser.
Something I never wanted, yet now I don't want to be without it.
And all I do is moan and plead and make excuses and try to explain.
I'm awful in these situations!
And I'm not one to give up.

Tim has been so amazing at the minute,
Dragging me out of my apartment to stop me being an emotional wreck.
Talking about things with me and giving me something to take my mind off things.
Don't know what I'd of done without him this week!

The Journo boys have also been a good laugh.
Drinks, pool, X box and 'banter'
Been some good nights.
Ohh there was Journalism Christmas party and Snowball too!
They've been brilliant.

Can't be bothered to go into detail about anything.
I've had an amazing few weeks whilst out with people.
But it's possibly been the worst few weeks whilst alone in my apartment.
And I guess that's why my head is so messy.
But as I said, pretty much sorted now.
This was just a quick rant as I'm not tired yet :/
Going to finish reading Harry Potter anyway, it's been exciting! Only a chapter left!

Goodnight x

18th November 2009.

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:21:36 GMT

Hellooo.

I keep forgetting to use this! D:
I've now set up a 'Blogger' too - http://charliederry.blogspot.com/
I'm going to use that for work/any journalism type writing I do.
This is just my 'journal' that I can rant on when I feel like it.

So here's some work I've probably already posted on here but on there now too,

Mayday Parade - Anywhere But Here - Album Review.
My first News Article on Car Damage.
It also got published in the Univeristy Newspaper this week! :)
Click here to see the photo of it.

I today wrote about 1,500 words about my favourite book, The Little Prince,
Click here to read it.
Just because I love the meanings behind it and wanted to write about it!

So yeah,
I'll post links on here to Blogger when I use it.
I have loads more News Articles but they need improving etc.
So when I can be bothered to do that!

On a more LiveJournal note!
Ermmm....

Well, I'm out of my mood! Finally!
I went out Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday!
Thursday and Friday, both Hannah had friends down.
I enjoyed going out with them!
Ohhh, Friday morning was mental!
Hannah took her friend's car to university, well a tiny part there haha.
We had to park it somewhere random because the gear stick wouldn't go in reverse, it was so chaotic!
Friday was Kimi's party in the common room, then Hannah, Andy, Dan and I went to Q Bar for cookie monsters!
And a walk to the beach, it was ridiculously windy!!
Saturday was the Space Party at The Stannary,
Hannah and I had a ridiculous amount of shots! And my first tequila ;D
Matthew was sick all night so I was looking after him at his flat, haha! :)
Monday we just went around town, then Hannah and I ended up at Remedies for a little!
Tuesday wasn't a good day at uni after that!!
But it's been a really good week.

That's all,
Goodnight!

11th November 2009.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:59:55 GMT

Hiya.

I've just finished reading New Moon (Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer)
It only took me a few days, I found myself reading 100-200 pages a night,
Wanting to know what happened next!
It was amazing, I'm so glad I read it before the film came out else it would of lost it's effect.
I don't think I've enjoyed reading a book so much before, I loved it.
This is, by far, my favourite quote:

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly eveything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone and the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore."

Beautiful.
I was given a huge Edward Cullen poster today as well,
I feel like such a geek, or atleast a 12 year old emo kid when it comes to Twilight!
But I can't help it, I love the way Stephenie writes.
It doesn't help that Robert Pattinson plays his character!

Anyway, enough of that! 8-)
No real developments with anything.
Only one really, after apologising for giving bad impressions, that might sort out.
I'm still being slightly anti-sociable, but without intention, I've just grown a preference to my room.
I'm also still playing silly games, I can't help myself, I like the company.
I had another night where I was supposed to go out but ended up getting in a mood and going to bed.
I'm really trying to sort it out :/ But it's hard when I don't understand it.
Tomorrow I WILL go out, and enjoy myself!
I hope so anyway... I'll try and fight this mood.

Goodnight!

8th November 2009.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:41:04 GMT

Hi,
It's been a confusing few days.

After certain situations on Bonfire Night,
I'm confused how to react.
Well, it's too late to react now, I just have to forget about it and move on.
But I no longer know who to trust.
If people think such things about people they shouldn't have judgment on, I wonder what they think about me.
I can have a good guess that it's now what I thought it was atleast.
I'm going to be very conscious of people's actions from now.
I know I take these things more seriously then they need to be.
I take things really personally, but I've learnt that you need to.
Opinions matter to me, especially when they are about what kind of person I am.
I can't help but be cautious of what people think,
It helps you learn from your mistakes.

I've definately made a bad impression to someone I really wanted to make effort for.
And for this I feel the need to apologise, even though I shouldn't be bothered.
I barely know him, I just know that I will no longer have the chance to because of his opinions.
I don't understand why people are so judgmental at the minute.
I often give off the wrong impressions.

I've also realised that I'm playing a dangerous game.
I think it's my escape...
I need the comfort.
But it doesn't do anything in my favour.

I am trying.

Bonfire night, however, was really good before and after the mental interuption.
We went to the beach with sparklers and vodka jelly.
There was hundreds of people around massive bonfires etc.
It was an amazing atmospher, which I definately didn't make the most of.
Hannah and I went in the sea,
Huge groups of people watched in horror and disgust, but I didnt care at the time.
I had a good swim!
Matt and Scott stayed at my apartment after, no matter how uncomofrtable they were made to feel.
A few others stayed for a while as well.
It was a good night apart from the top my room was left in!

I've practically slept for 3 days straight.
Missed a few lectures, and have been quite anti-sociable.
But I wouldn't of been good company the past few days anyway, too much going on in my head!
I spend too much time worrying about all of this,
I don't want to live up to certain expectations and find that I'm still living as I were in Newark.
I need to sort it out, and start making the most of this again.

Rant fini :)

I think I've watched every Disney film there is whilst I've been here.
I've also started reading New Moon, so that I can see it before the film comes out!
I absolutely love the Twilight Saga,
Yes, I am one of those "I love Edward Cullen" types, haha!
I've then got the last Harry Potter to read, which I need to hurry up with!
And then might re-read a few others, I need to get back into this.
I also forgot how much I love reading Shakespeare and William Blake,
I think a definate bit of book shopping is in order!

Goodnight!

4th November 2009.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:07:06 GMT

A definate rant is in order.
But I can't even talk about any of it!
My head is spinning.

1. I think I'm wrong to think anything of it,
and I think that even if there was a meaning to it, I'm far from caring.
It's not the same as it were a month ago,
And I don't want to play that game again.
Yet I still can't help but be tempted.

2. I think it may be the wrong thing to do,
Things get way too serious, and I don't want that.

3. What a complete waste of time.
I fucked that up...whichis quite gutting.

4. I couldn't possible hate anyone more,
How hard is it to understand the words, LEAVE ME ALONE.
When I end something, it's because I want it to end!
But I'm still being pestered constantly.
I want to forget about you, and not have to deal with this anymore.
It stresses me out beyond belief.
Today has actually been the worst involving this, but I hope that today wil be the last.

Ermmm, maybe that's it.
Oh the subtlety of my emotional ramblings.
Bad times.

I hate when people insult you just to try and make a point,
When you know they have no idea what they are talkng about and are completely wrong.
But I always end up contemplating the bullshit they say.
And end up believing it.
I was told that I don't have a new life, and that I just think that it's different when it's not.
I'm starting to believe this.
But I guess I believe this because of who has said it,
And if he wasn't in my life then I wouldn't have anything to worry about it.
I just always end up in the same situations, and it's frustrating.
I was told that I will never leave Newarkand that I will be stuck there for the rest of my life.
Actually, thinking about it now, I believe that I have the determination to make sure that I don't.
I know what I want to achieve and why I want to achieve it.
And that's so that I don't end up repeating the life that I've had so far.
He then said that people don't actully like me,
Which is one of the most pathetic things to actually tell somebody.
But that's one I won't believe,
As I don't think I've gotten on with people on my course as well as I have this week.

I find out so much about myself by writing on here.
I know it's not full of interesting information or big words,
Or incredibly interesting to anyone else.
It's just how it is...and I need to empty my thoughts from time to time!
For instance, I realise that I often complain about not getting something that I want.
But then I realise that I don't take any chances.
Maybe somethings will change, but then maybe not.

Everything is brilliant apart from the confusion in my head.
Yesterday we drank wine and played Guitar Hero in our break at Matt's flat.
It's been a good week!
And tomorrow will be a good night if it doesn't rain :)

So I'm off to possibly do some work!
Goodnight. x

2nd November 2009.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:52:23 GMT

Helloo,

Well, it's been a while!
I have no excuse for not upating this either,
I still remain awake until early hours of the morning.

I can't think about anything that's gone on,
Or atleast be bothered to talk about it.

All I know is that the mood I've been in isn't budging.
I really don't understand them.
I'm completely fine, everything is great,
I go out and have a good time and enjoy myself.
Then I just get to a point where I don't want to be..not here..just not in this situation.
Whatever this situation is!
I feel akward, I feel bored when there's no reason to be!
Twice now I have left without telling anybody and walked back by myself.
I wish it would stop happening,
I don't know what I'm expecting to change or what I hope to happen,
I just feel the need for improvement.

Anyway,
So there was Halloween and then a Journalism night out,
Both were good nights out, even if I was home for 1 each time!
It's all in all been a good week.

I really can't be bothered to talk about things,
No matter how pointless.
I sound so unhappy! I'm not...at all.
Haha, deary me!

Goodnight.

27th October 2009.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:08:18 GMT

Helloo.

I've had quite a good night tonight, suprisingly!
Had a long, boring day at uni,
Then Hannah, Hannah, Gemma and I baked two massive cookies! :) They were so nice!
We then went to a pub quiz, had a bottle of wine and a couple of drinks.
We lost, and the quiz man made sure everyone knew how badly, haha... Good times!
But it was all good fun, and we got a free drink and then a subway!

I think I have ended the night on a downer though, atleast so far...
Okay, I definately have...
Ah, what does it take?!
I'm so tired of games, of making effort, of being dissapointed.
I feel like I'm spinning in circles, and it's making me dizzy.
"I'm hopeless yet I'm hopeful." - Thankyou Mayday Parade!
Too much of a recurring theme for my liking.

Last night my Mum was talking about a new man she is seeing, and I'm quite scared.
Partly because I'm going to go home and everything will be completely different.
But also because we've only just gotten out of a huge mess.
No one here knows my past, it's not something to make a conversation out of.
But everything had changed as of June and things were finally good again,
I know I don't live at home now, but I can't go through that again, it makes my stomach churn.
I actually feel a litle sick thing of all of this, my belly has gone on a rollercoaster!
It worries me so much.

I don't think I've gone into anything in enough detail, there's still so much I need to scream out.
But I really can't be bothered, so I'm going to sleep on it!
Night.

25th Ocotober 2009.

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:10:19 GMT

Hello.

I've finally decided to venture out of my room after 48 hours.
It's nothing interesting, quite prefering my room at the minute haha.
Some weird conversations going on, about apple seeds and bananas...
I may have to plug my headphones in soon.
I'm so anti-social this weekend, I don't know why,
Not in a morbid way, as I'm in quite a good mood, I just can't be arsed haha.
I think people are just getting to me a little bit at the minute, which is probably why I stayed in my room all weekend.
I can't be arsed to go into it, because no one is doing anything purposly.
I'm just tired, and need something fun to happen!
I've been dancing around my room to Jamie T all morning thinking about Magaluf with the girls.
I wish we could go back, I'd do anything for a BCM water party!

So after being in my room for two straight days,
I have nothing interesting to talk about at all.
I can add Saw 4 and Saw 5 to my list of films atleast.
Oh, and as of tonight, Men in Black, John Tucker Must Die and Bad Boys 2.
I've watched so many films whilst being here, too many maybe!

I was awake until 5 in the morning last night again, on Facebook Chat.
And tonight it's now half 2 but I don't think tonight is going to be a fun one.
I was asked why I stay awake until early hours,
Apart from still being wide awake, I replied "That's when it gets interesting." Haha!
It's what's made my boring weekend quite decent anyway :)
I just hope I don't look too much into it, which I definately think I am!
Situations like this is why my LiveJournal is so full of rants haha.
Ah well, it keeps me smiling!
I really do live in hope.

Haha, I was reading friends' blogs today,
And in comparison, mine is so childish and pathetic.
And meaningless to anybody else, which is why I'm glad no one reads it.
I need to get things off my chest though, clear my head.
Because I'm not a nice person when I let things build up!

I recieved feedback on one of assignments today,
I think it sounds good, It's hard to know as of yet.
There aren't any grades up yet so I will have to wait.
This is my first newspaper article anyway; Car Damage at Maritime Studios.
I've sent it to the school newspaper and they said they may publish it.
I know it's only the school newspaper, but I would love for my work to be published anywhere!
It would be a start anyway. :)

(I'll update this entry later, maybe something interesting will of happened by then...)
Yeah it didn't, haha.
G'night!

P.S. Mayday Parade's new album, "Anywhere But Here" is amazing!

I thought about doing some album reviews, just for fun.
As I want to go in music Journalism.
But I'm not going to post them on here as they take up too much space!
So I'm going to put them on my Facebook and link them on here.

So here is Mayday Parade's album Review for their new album Anywhere But Here; (click the photo)

23rd October 2009.

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:40:50 GMT

Hello 4am!

I enjoy my early morning conversations :)
I have a ridiculously massive smile on my face!
It has made my day so much better.

I've been in one of those moods tonight,
Had a lecture this morning which was absolutely pointless because of people constantly expressing their views.
I know it's journalism and all, but I would quite like to learn something when I'e made the effort to go in!
I then slept all afternoon, or atleast lied in bed listening to music, I don't think I actually slept.
But I guess that's why I'm not tired yet, my sleeping pattern is fuckeeddd.

Everybody went to the beer festival tonight,
But I had a headache and wasn't really up for going out.
So tonight I have watched...
A Walk to Remember, Aladdin, The Last Kiss, The Boy in The Striped Pyjamas and Seven Pounds.
3 of which I cried at! I'm such a loser when it comes to films! :)

David has really been getting to me again.
Last night I had 2 missed calls and 4 text messages,
All about his feelings about me and asking why I was ignoring him when I genuinly just didn't hear my phone.
Then inbox messages still about how he feels about everything.
And then today he sent me a message saying he was sending more money to me.
It's so over the top! and It makes me feel awful :(
I want it over with, forgotten about, but he won't let it go, and it gets me down.
I don't care anymore!! It stresses me out so much.

But yes, happy now.
So I'm going to carry on with my Facebook chatting.

Hello 5am,
Goonight LiveJournal!

22nd October 2009.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:42:32 GMT

Hii.

So nothing amazing has happened in my last 3 entries so I've merged them together.

Tuesday, I was watching Sword in the Stone at half 1 in the morning.
I watched Robin Hood as well, it was amazing!
I had a little Disney crave whilst sat with a tub of Ben and Jerry's. :)
Goood times.
Had quite a good day at uni, was doing interview techniques!
Then watched a film in the common room called American Psycho.
It was pretty awful, turns out it was all a schizophrenic dream, brilliant!

Wednesday, I had uni all day, lots of work, loads of lectures, lack of sleep. The usual!
And then sat and did nothing the rest of the night,
Apart from watching School of Rock and Sexcetera! ;)
It was quite a funny night though.

Today has been absolutely boringgg.
We had a pointless audio induction which I had to get up really early for.
So I went home after and slept instead of going to my afternoon lecture.
My coat came in the post today, I can't wait to be warm outside!
I then had a shower, ate my tea and sat in the common room finishing my article,
I need something fun to happen!

My previous two entries had my mood set to hopeful...for a new reason,
But as of late last night/early this morning, I realised I may actually have a chance,
So I'm looking forward to that now, and only hoping that it actually works out.
Maybe Sunday will be a good night?
We will see...

That's all,
Goodnight.

19th October 2009.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:06:42 GMT

Helloooo.

Tonight has been pretty rubbish to be fairrr.
We went on a boat party where we had to dress as Noah's Ark characters!
I went as a cat because it's all I could do with the hour that I had to get ready.
I spent so much money and for some reason remained sober all night.
It was okay,
I met a really nice guy but I didn't get to speak to him properly unfortunately.
We all had a laugh throwing plastic balls at each other.
Then got a subway and went to remedies.
Im now in my little stage I get in when I meet a nice guy and nothing happens,
I'm so silly sometimes!

I can't wait to sleep properly.
I have uni all day tomorrow :(
And last night I couldn't sleep at all,
After a fun night "watching a DVD" after watching Nick and Norah! :)
Then the stupid fire alarm woke me up this morning,
I've gone back to not sleeping very well, so I'm knackered!
Hopefully get atleast 5 hours tonight before uni at 11!

I don't have anything interesting left to say,
So goodnight! :) xxx

17th October 2009.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:19:38 GMT

Hii.

I woke up at 4pm today, not gooood!
I completely slept through everything, atleast I've caught up on my lack of sleep.

I was supposed to be going to a house party tonight but I no longer am,
So it looks like another night of pretending to do work in the common room!
Saving me money I don't really have anyway.
I'm looking forward to Monday, I need a good night out :)
And I shoud hopefully be getting my phone back then too!!

Everyone's in Newquay at the minute, I'm sooo bored.

I had this really weird dream last night, and I genuinly believed it was real!
I dreamt that my mum had got back with her boyfriend and they decided to buy a house in Falmouth.
So they made me go live with them whilst I was at uni, it was awful!
And for some reason, Jonny and Josh Lines were also living with me?
There's aspects of my dreams that keep repeating themselves,
Aspects that reflect how things actually are in reality with a certain person.
It's annoying because this is why I'm still 'hopeful' from previous entries!
I want the butterflies to go away because they're such a waste of time.
I can't help but be so ridiculously attracted though!

That's all I needed to get out haha.
Byee!

14th October 2009.

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 01:42:30 GMT

Hiyaaa.

I've realllllyy messed up my sleeping pattern, it's not good!
I've had about 6 hours sleep in the past 3 days. :(
Not by choice obviously!
Last night was just a bastard, (I'll talk about that in a minute!)
Nights before that I've just been unable to get to sleep,
Finally getting to sleep about 5/6 o'clock in the morning,
Usually with uni in a few hours, so I've missed 3 lectures this week due to this insomnia!
I either have too much to think about or, well, it's partly because I'm scared of the dark!
It's not fun living in an apartment by yourself at night!
It's now 1.55 and I feel like it's about 10 o'clock, I was even prepared to do some uni work!
I'm going to get into to bed after this though and attempt to sleep before I see daylight outside my blinds!

I'm thinking tomorrow is a good place to begin this...
After my afternoon lecture yesterday, I was waiting for the exciting moment of David to arrive!
It was possibly, actually it was! the worst night I have spent here.
I can't be arsed to explain what happened, he just pissed me off soooo much.
And it was decided that him being here was a waste of time so he wanted to leave.
I nicely let him have my bed so that he didn't have to pay for a hotel.
I went to sit in the common room because I was tired of the arguing and said I'd come back later.
When I came back, hoping to find him asleep, he started up more arguments and verbally forced me out of bed.
I sat in the common room until about 4am and was so uncomfy that I had to go back to my own bed.
I didn't get to sleep at all then he woke up about 7am to leave, being as arsey as ever.
I told him that he had accidentally put my phone in his bag because I couldn't find it anywhere.
But he was being an ignorant twat and couldn't be arsed to check properly so he left determined that he didn't have it.
So I slept for a few hours, completely missed my lectures because I had no alarm to wake me up!
And then my mum messaged me on Facebook telling me that he has my phone.
Personally, I believe that the fairest thing to do is to post it back to me asap for being such a twat.
But apparantly he's going to keep it as compensation for him having to travel so far for no reason.
I'm fed up of him, how fucking immature.
Of course I feel really bad, I've been a bit of a bitch, but there was no other options for me.
He had made my mind up about how I felt about him and I wasn't going to put up with him for another 3 days just to say that I made the effort to try, fuck that!
It's gone way too far and it's too much for me to handle, it's turned into a relationship which is what I never wanted!
I'm so glad it's over, I just want my phone back and to never have to speak to him again please!
Maybe then I can sleep at night!

On a brighter note, tonight has been really good :)
A few of us went bowling, unfortunately I'm rubbish but it was an enjoyable few games.
We then went to Robin's for a smoke,
It was nice to sit and have a laugh instead of just watching a film and nearly falling asleep for a change.
The company was quite nice as well, I have to add!
We spent ages laughing at Jonny's lighter tricks that were actually really bad,
But it was a good night and it got my mind away from things for a while anyway!
I'm actually feeling rather happy tonight,
Now let's hope I get a good sleep!

Au Reviour!

12th October 2009.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:39:50 GMT

Helloo.

I haven't been on here in a few days, purely because I have been busy.
I won't be writing anything else until Friday, at the earliest, either.
David is coming to visit tomorrow and staying for the week.
So it looks like an anti-socialable weekend for me.
Definately NOT fun times, I'm really dreading it actually.
It's not been a good month for us with me being here, so I guess this week is a decider.
Not looking forward to this!

Today has been pretty boring to be honest.
I've caught some form of cold and feel awful!
I had university for the whole of about 2 hours, but I'm enjoying learning shorthand!
Really wanted to go out tonight as well,
I'd say I should have an early night because I'm knackered, but it's already 12 so it's too late for that!

Yesterday we watched Pirates of the Carribean 1, 2 and 3!
What a fun bunch of people we are. :)

Saturday night was a good one.
We had a small bonfire/BBQ on the beach.
Vodka jelly and skinny dipping, definately a good night.
I go in the sea far too much to say that I'm scared of fish!
Maybe this is why I'm so ill!

Fridayy, the ball!
It was pretty rubbish.
I'm really not a fan of The Stannary, I prefer a night out in town.
But it ended well, without going into the details!

As for anything else, I have nothing to say.
Apart from reading back on my posts already makes me laugh.
I definately have a new perspective on things anyway.
Got to forget about certain feelings and just have fun with it!
It starts here.

I'm currently watching a ridiculous film about two stoners, 'How High' I think it's called.
It's sooo bad, I wish it was even slightly funny.
I just don't want to go back to my room yet, as that's where I'll be for the next 4 days.
Good luck with that.

Goodnight!

8th October 2009.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 01:14:03 GMT

Quite a boring day to be honest.
Seminar isn't until 3 on a Thursday so I had a massive lie in and went into uni for an hour, pointless!
Hannah and I swapped groups, it's definately a lot better!
We can atleast enjoy the company in this group, and also the lie ins!

I've not done much since,
We've just watched "The Orphanage" in the common room.
It's a Spanish subtitled horror movie made by the makers of Pans Labrynth.
It was actually really good!
It was about an adopted 8 year old boy who went missing after making some invisible friends.
The usual haunted house senario as his mother tries to find him for over a year.
Turned out the mother accidently killed him with a really good story line behind it.
It links in Peter Pan which I really liked about the film.
The "lost boys" who become found.
And then in the, the mother dies and becomes the "never-aging Wendy" who reads stories to the orphans.
I'm quite scared of the little boy with a bag for a face though, definately sleeping with the lights on tonight!

It's Freshers Ball tomorrow!
The second and final Freshers event that I will be attending.
I feel a mess though, and I've never been a fan of Proms/Balls.
I know that by the end of the night I will want to leave and sulk, haha!
I'm only looking forward to wearing my dress, and also the band actually!

No uni tomorrow, so it will be a day of sleep, getting ready, and drinking.
Fun times!

I don't really believe in horoscopes but I've been reading a daily one quie often recently.
For tomorrow (as it's 2am!):
"You don't have the time to mess around with miscommunication today!
It's a good time for you to step back and really look at your situation."
I think there could definately be some meaning in that!
Purely because of the things that I've been writing on here for the past 2 days.
But who knows what situation that could be, with the many I'm in.
I have a pretty good guess, as I'm currently being pestered to know my feelings.
I may stick with miscommunication though :)

Goodnight!

7th October 2009.

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:22:24 GMT

It's 1.20am and I guess I have nothing better to do.

I've not wrote on here in over year, with the whole of about 12 posts that I've ever writen.
But as I said, this is going to help me out with my course so let's hope I stick it out this time.
I wouldn't expect much from it though.

So...as of the 16th September, I've been living in Maritime Studios in Falmouth and studying Journalism at the university.
It's been a bit of a holiday at the minute, with my course only just starting.
Days at the beach, nights at the beach, skinny dipping, pubs and clubs, it's what Falmouth's all about!
I absolutely love it down here.
I love the freedom, the opportunity to what I want and when I want, without any of the hassle.
Don't get me wrong, I miss my family and friends back home, but I don't really want to leave this place or the people in it.
I'm settled here, it's relaxing and I'm away from all of the things that I hated or regretted back home.
But I miss my Maga girls and growing up with my little brother and sister, I guess that's that hardest part.

As per usual, I need to get some rants out on this thing.
Not mentioning any names because I have no idea who bothers to read this!

I move half way across the country and I still end up in the same situations.
I don't even know where to start...

Well,
I moved so far away from home because I really disliked my town and the majority of the people in it.
I wanted a complete new start where I could leave all my feelings, regrets and bad memories in that town.
I now only regret that one part of Newark remains with me.
If I wasn't at university I would be beyond happy with a guy that I met a month before I moved down here.
He did everything for me, and I loved spending every day and night with him.
But it's different now, I wanted to make it work, but I don't think I can.
I don't feel the same now that I'm 300+ miles away.
I'm having the time of my life down here and I don't think I can deal with the, well, baggage.
I don't want the worry, the stress, the waste of time explaining myself, the constant questions, the constant calls.
It gets me angry, angry with many things, and I don't need it. I don't want it.
I've never been good with relationships or controlling my feelings,
I don't know why I was kidding myself that I could do this.
I can hope that things are the same when he comes to see me, and when I'm back home.
But it won't change anything, I have a new life here, and I like how it is.
Who knows how this will turn out...
I can barely explain myself!

Secondly,
I guess my 'mood' is a good point - Hopeful. (though I would ditch the smiley face!)
This is the hardest thing to talk about as it's one of the few secrets I've had to keep, and I plan to keep it that way.
For their sake more then mine.
I think that maybe they see it as a bad thing, regretable they could say.
But not for me, for some reason I am hopeful.
But then I've always been a silly girl.
I understood the rules and the role I subjected myself to, I shouldn't of expected anything more.
I guess I'm just not enjoying the outcome of it, I feel completely used and avoided,
Yet I still want more, I couldn't say no to that!
Maybe the hope is an exciting part of it, which is why I hold on to it.
But I've never been good with dissapointment...and that's the reality of it!

It's now 2am, and I don't feel the need to talk about anything else at the minute,
You'll here the rest of my ramblings another time,
Again, nothing important, just things going through my mind!
I'm hoping to watch a bit of FastForward before I go to bed,
But I think I could just fall asleep listening to Jimmy Eat World!

Goodnight. x

6th October 2009.

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:05:17 GMT

So, I've just started at university in Falmouth studying Journalism.
And aparantly it's a good thing to have your name on Google!
So I'm started my 'livejournal' back up, for course purposes.
Upload some work and talk about my adventures outside of the classroom,
(as the lecturers say that's what they want to know about!)

As I've been here a few weeks and haven't wrote anything,
I'm going to upload a few picures just as a reminder! :)

My first night out in Falmouth (21/09/09) -

Hippie Fest at an Abandoned Cottage (24/09/09) -

FRESHERS!

Pirate Party (28/09/09) -

UV Party (30/09/09) -

Waterman's (03/10/09) -

General Maritime Times -

General Beach Times -

My best night in Falmout so far!! (05/10/09) -
Lots of Dancing, Lots of Drinking, Lots of Subway, Lots of Skinny Dipping!

This is me sliding down a hill in a plastic box on the way home :)

As for now, I have no idea what to talk about.
I'm sat in the common room watching Mock the Week so I'm going to get back to that.
I'll hopefully write some things on here soon.
I've missed my emotional rants, haha!

Goodnight.

12th August 2008.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:56:53 GMT

I had to wake up again for work today so I've been ever so tired!
I was supposed to go to Nottingham with Lucy but it was pouring it down with rain all morning,
So instead we went shopping around Newark,
Got myself a nice dress, some shorts, a pair of sunglasses and a hoody for Leeds.
And other bits that i need for Leeds like make-up, so I'm well spent haha!
We decided to get us a fun dinner from Morrisons so we had chicken legs and other bits to eat at Lucy's!
And we watched High School Musical 2 which was really good haha.
Haven't done much else today but I've had a good day!
I just want a nice sleep now!:) x

11th August 2008.

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:00:21 GMT

9 days till Leeds, can't waittt.

Woke up early for 7-half 8 shift at work,
I came home and had a bath then did nothing for a couple of hours, but I did get my topshop order! :)
Then I had to go back to work 1-half 5, stupid split shifts!
I strangely walked to work with the landlord of the pub that is right next to me,
He keeps telling me off for jumping over his wall haha, he's only joking but he's big and irish and quite scares me!
We were talking about my 18th next year, he's nicely offered me the pub for the day,
And has said he'll let anybody drink haha, if the police come he said he'll sort them out lmao, what a guy.
Monday's are so horrible at work, but I shouldn't expect anything more off the snobby customers at Marks and Spencers!
I really wanted to just leave and go home today, they pissed me off so much and I really wasn't in the mood for it.
After work I went to George's to pick up some clothes and we watched simpsons and hollyoaks!
But George soon had enough of me and kicked me out lmao, nahh we were just both so knackered haha.
Haven't actually done anything else, my family have been acting really weird, no one's talking to each other :S
I've been talking to Katie all night which has been really nice catching up!
Been talking about Leeds and our plans etc, I'm even more excited now, we're going to have such a good time!:)
I really need to get everything sorted though,
I need an Asda shop, hair cut/dye, dentist and doctors appointment before next week! Eek.
My Nottingham shop with Lucy is tomorrow though so I hope to get some nice bits to wear.
I have work again 7-half 8 so I'm going to go try get a decentish sleep, night! x

10th August 2008.

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 22:48:00 GMT

10 whole days until Leeds, oh how I cannot wait!:)

Sunday's are lazy dayss,
But my sister is in the habit of shouting my name at early hours until I wake up, 3 days in a row! Argh!
I had hoped that I could of done nothing at all, but my mum had planned otherwise,
Nu had also invited my cousins, aunty and grandma round for dinner.
I love my family to bits, even more now knowing we all have atleast one thing in common.
Nu had decided to show his true colours to my family so now they think he's as much of a twat as I do.
I don't even know why he does it, he invites them round for sunday dinner and doesn't even make the effort to sit at the table with us.
Instead he goes around picking faults and blaming them on anybody but himself.
After my mum leaving the room and me starting to cry, our dinner turned into an awkward silence.
So I decided to drink the big bottle of lambrini that nobody seemed to be interested in.
When Nu actually decided to sit down and eat, my family told them what they thought of him.
And told him how he should respect us a hell of a lot more etc etc,
But this won't change anything, he doesn't listen to anybody and thinks he can hurt whoever he likes.
My Gran's offered me her spare room if I ever want time away from it all.
I just want the week to go faster, I'll have 5 days at Leeds and then they're off to Portugal for 2 weeks!
So I get to spend 2 weeks with the house to myself, it's going to be brilliant!
I'm not even bothered about parties and whatever, I just want some time to myself more then anything.
After we had all calmed down, me and my cousin watched Sweeny Todd!
And I spent the rest of the night watching You've Got Mail with my mum.
My sisters just been lying on my bed listening to music, I was trying to get her to sleep but it didn't work!
But she's one now so I might be able to get some myself,
I spent most of last night unable to sleep because of how bad my teeth hurt!
But the pain has gone now :) I just have to wake up early for work! :/
I'm hoping the rest of the week will be fun,
I want to go shopping on Tuesday with Lucy, I'm seeing Simone on Wednesday and Thursday is results day!
I also need a dentist appointment, doctors appointment, hair cut and hair dye.
And also a big shop at Asda for such thing as baby wipes so that I can survive 5 days in a tent!
Got alot alot to do! I just want tomorrow out of the way and then I might enjoy the week!
Night x

9th August 2008.

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 23:22:21 GMT

So I woke up for work and whatever,
To be stuck on textiles again, work was so dead that the day dragged on so much!
The only good part was the end where Ashleigh took me to his locker and gave me two bags of lollipops :D
Haha 4 month late birthday present but I found it dead sweet actually!
I saw Simone at work as well but I couldn't really have a conversation with all the customers around.
After work Lucy came round and we drank a couple of bottles of wine :)
I then watched Save the Last Dance with my mum only to be chucked out of the room before the end,
My mum's boyfriend is the biggest twat you could ever meet, I wish he would actually just lay off.
So now I'm lying in bed gutted that I didn't get to see the end of the film.
And gutted that I don't have a boyfriend as that's all people are focused on lately!
I've suddenly started to find Chris Brown really attractive haha and I really want to find somebody who can dance like him!
That would actually be brilliant, although finding anyone else that would make me happy would be just as perfect right now.
I feel a little sick after all of the wine and ice cream! But we still have another bottle for another day :D
So I'll look forward to that I guess!
Nightt x

8th August 2008.

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:06:04 GMT

My sister obviously woke up in a happy mood today,
She stood at the side of my bed and shouted my name until I woke up!
Then she just passed me a teddy bear and a dummy and left haha, that ruined my lie in!
But then my mum rang me up and told me i'd got all my tax back, so i now have a thousand pounds haha! Nice one!
Today has been dead boring actually.
I went to the dentists at 12 and had my brace tightened, my teeth hurt so much, I can barely chew!
I've not actually done anything else, just sit and look after my sister whilst downloading a few albums.
My cousins came round for a while as well which was quite nice.
Apart from that, nothing, and I'm knackered so I'm off.
Night! x

August 7th 2008.

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:03:07 GMT

Was yet again woken up at 8 o c'clock to see if i could come into work earlier,
I am so tired! But atleast I have tomorrow off, might actually get a good sleep.
I have such a headache, babies have been screaming all day at work, argh!
Something good happened at work but unfortunately I don't rememeber what that was!
I think I was just in a silly school crush kind of mood with a certain co-worker haha, oh no!!
It is really funny though, it makes work that little bit more fun! my mother would find it amusing.
We've just sat and watched Gok's Fashion Fix whilst eating american jelly beans :)
Oh dear, I find Mikey off Big Brother stupidly repulsive, and that's all I have to say about him haha.
I do really like their task of this ping pong puppett thing though, it looks fun!
That was actually brilliant haha!
Charlotte Church show to come, this is what my Thursday nights consist of! I'm such a fun person.
Lucy's birthday tomorrow, we need to find something exciting today as Newark is so boring.
I miss Tom an awful lot, and I guess alot of other people for that matter,
But sometimes people are so picky with the way they want me to be, and feel they can chose when they like me or not.
Other people just act so morbid, unless they're with their boyfriend or girlfriend,
Which tbh, I don't even want to be around them even more then,
Actually, the people I am refering to I've never even liked but they make it hard for me to even act civil around them.
I miss times where people didn't care about having enemies, but that's seemed to of taken dominance,
I liked it when people were judged on the 95% good in them, rather then on a silly mistake they've made.
Its so hard to just act yourself around anyone anymore, I know people are judging me constantly and it makes me so consious.
I wish people would stop worrying about the mistakes others make and consider their own,
I know I do alot of stupid stuff, But I'm often so caught up in all of the problems in my life that I don't think straight.
It's not asif I'm a bad person always doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing, I just sometimes forget to say the right thing.
I'm much happier then I was, since my grandad passed away I've kept alot to myself,
I've not let my own problems get in the way of my summer, And I'm now having a brilliant time.
I just wish I was spending alot more of it with the people I actually care about, they just don't seem to recognise any of this.
Leeds is going to be brilliant and then the two weeks after are going to be just as good, so let's hope it all goes well!
Well, it's pay day tomorrow, and I'm hoping to get about a grand haha,
Work have owed me my tax back for the whole year I've worked there,
But it's nicely added up to a big number which I should be saving to eventually buy a car.
I really just want to go shopping though, I only have to wait until next week until I can.
I need to buy all my stuff for Leeds aswell, I need need need to stay clean haha!
I don't think there's any chance of that happening though, But I still cannot to wait!

August 6th 2008.

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 23:56:42 GMT

today has been tiring,
i was hoping for a lie in this morning as i've had a lot of extra hours at work these past 2 weeks.
it was planned that i started work at 2 in the afternoon,
but i was to wake up at 9 o'clock to a phone call asking me to come in 12,
giving me no time to get ready properly, i went to work feeling messy and tired.
it wasn't all too bad,
i stood for the best part of 15 minutes talking to an old man near the fitting rooms,
he was talking to me about my job and my plans for the summer holidays
which got me onto the conversation of leeds, (2 weeks today!!)
"ahh so your into all this head banging music then?"
haha, he was a lovely old man!
i told him that i liked indie music and he told me he thought that it had died years ago, shocking!
after a lonnggg day, i came back home, not too anything interesting unfortunately.
lucy came over about 8 o'clock and we caught up and watched big brother which was nice.
i'm now in bed talking to a couple of people,
there's not anything even on my mind to talk about,
i'm just very very excited about leeds.
and i'm considering my options of getting a tattoo, hopefully will soon!
i want the word "j'adore" written in nice writing across my wrist, i think it would look pretty.
i think i may get that soon, unless my mum goes to the tattoo place with me and then i will i get the swallows below my stomach which i have wanted for months now.
i'm also thinking about getting a tattoo on my left foot but i'm unsure of what.
i'll make a few doodles and see what i can come up with!
hmm i've got a 2-half 5 again tomorrow so i best get some sleep.
g'night. x

Rant.

Tue, 13 May 2008 22:29:33 GMT

Needed an emotional rant!:/

I've got a stupid amount of shit going on
and if you're reading maybe you'll not be such an inconsiderate twat.
(I'm pretty sure no one cares about my live journal enough to be reading anyway!!)
I don't want to talk about it to friends because people never know what to say,
Or others bring it up all the time and i'ts not things I want to be reminded of everyday.
Things are pretty much kept to myself anyway lately.

Found out last week that my Grandad has cancer in his brain :/
I've never had to deal with anyone close being ill or anything before.
Pretty confused on what to do or how I should be really feeling at this moment.
Sort of hard with exams going on and all the work too, Don't have any time and I'm so stressed with that already.
Don't reckon I'd want to go see him anyway. Not in a harsh way!
Apart from the fact he has to have all his hair shaved off for the operation after knowing him for 17 years with long hair.
It's already really weird to see him.
He's completly forgot who he is, Or atleast believes he's living in some time in the past.
He's not acting normal at all and it was already upsetting to see him before we knew he was ill.
He's been in hospital and keeps trying to escape to get home, and my Grandma's all on her own.
It's a horrible thought and doing this is the first time I've felt like I wanted to cry about it :/

On top of that my families back to it's usual shitty state.
My mum actually packed her bags and left today :/ But it's all back to "normal" now, It'll happen again tomorrow probably.
I'm constantly getting moaned at for no reason at the minute,
He doesn't seem to realise all the work I have to do for exams,
I mean, I've spent the past week pretty much in my bedroom but I'm still doing everything wrong.
And now aparantly I should go live at my Dad's house.
Fucking can't wait untill university, i'll finally...
I'd like to say get away from my shitty family but it's just the numbers of shitty step dads I've had to make my family shit.
I love my mum to pieces and I've realised that.

I'm not going to complain about anything else, cba.