Hii.

I woke up at 4pm today, not gooood!
I completely slept through everything, atleast I've caught up on my lack of sleep.

I was supposed to be going to a house party tonight but I no longer am,
So it looks like another night of pretending to do work in the common room!
Saving me money I don't really have anyway.
I'm looking forward to Monday, I need a good night out :)
And I shoud hopefully be getting my phone back then too!!

Everyone's in Newquay at the minute, I'm sooo bored.

I had this really weird dream last night, and I genuinly believed it was real!
I dreamt that my mum had got back with her boyfriend and they decided to buy a house in Falmouth.
So they made me go live with them whilst I was at uni, it was awful!
And for some reason, Jonny and Josh Lines were also living with me?
There's aspects of my dreams that keep repeating themselves,
Aspects that reflect how things actually are in reality with a certain person.
It's annoying because this is why I'm still 'hopeful' from previous entries!
I want the butterflies to go away because they're such a waste of time.
I can't help but be so ridiculously attracted though!

That's all I needed to get out haha.
Byee!

As for anything else, I have nothing to say.
Apart from reading back on my posts already makes me laugh.
I definately have a new perspective on things anyway.
Got to forget about certain feelings and just have fun with it!
It starts here.

I'm currently watching a ridiculous film about two stoners, 'How High' I think it's called.
It's sooo bad, I wish it was even slightly funny.
I just don't want to go back to my room yet, as that's where I'll be for the next 4 days.
Good luck with that.

Goodnight!

I had to wake up again for work today so I've been ever so tired!
I was supposed to go to Nottingham with Lucy but it was pouring it down with rain all morning,
So instead we went shopping around Newark,
Got myself a nice dress, some shorts, a pair of sunglasses and a hoody for Leeds.
And other bits that i need for Leeds like make-up, so I'm well spent haha!
We decided to get us a fun dinner from Morrisons so we had chicken legs and other bits to eat at Lucy's!
And we watched High School Musical 2 which was really good haha.
Haven't done much else today but I've had a good day!
I just want a nice sleep now!:) x

9 days till Leeds, can't waittt.

Woke up early for 7-half 8 shift at work,
I came home and had a bath then did nothing for a couple of hours, but I did get my topshop order! :)
Then I had to go back to work 1-half 5, stupid split shifts!
I strangely walked to work with the landlord of the pub that is right next to me,
He keeps telling me off for jumping over his wall haha, he's only joking but he's big and irish and quite scares me!
We were talking about my 18th next year, he's nicely offered me the pub for the day,
And has said he'll let anybody drink haha, if the police come he said he'll sort them out lmao, what a guy.
Monday's are so horrible at work, but I shouldn't expect anything more off the snobby customers at Marks and Spencers!
I really wanted to just leave and go home today, they pissed me off so much and I really wasn't in the mood for it.
After work I went to George's to pick up some clothes and we watched simpsons and hollyoaks!
But George soon had enough of me and kicked me out lmao, nahh we were just both so knackered haha.
Haven't actually done anything else, my family have been acting really weird, no one's talking to each other :S
I've been talking to Katie all night which has been really nice catching up!
Been talking about Leeds and our plans etc, I'm even more excited now, we're going to have such a good time!:)
I really need to get everything sorted though,
I need an Asda shop, hair cut/dye, dentist and doctors appointment before next week! Eek.
My Nottingham shop with Lucy is tomorrow though so I hope to get some nice bits to wear.
I have work again 7-half 8 so I'm going to go try get a decentish sleep, night! x

10 whole days until Leeds, oh how I cannot wait!:)

Sunday's are lazy dayss,
But my sister is in the habit of shouting my name at early hours until I wake up, 3 days in a row! Argh!
I had hoped that I could of done nothing at all, but my mum had planned otherwise,
Nu had also invited my cousins, aunty and grandma round for dinner.
I love my family to bits, even more now knowing we all have atleast one thing in common.
Nu had decided to show his true colours to my family so now they think he's as much of a twat as I do.
I don't even know why he does it, he invites them round for sunday dinner and doesn't even make the effort to sit at the table with us.
Instead he goes around picking faults and blaming them on anybody but himself.
After my mum leaving the room and me starting to cry, our dinner turned into an awkward silence.
So I decided to drink the big bottle of lambrini that nobody seemed to be interested in.
When Nu actually decided to sit down and eat, my family told them what they thought of him.
And told him how he should respect us a hell of a lot more etc etc,
But this won't change anything, he doesn't listen to anybody and thinks he can hurt whoever he likes.
My Gran's offered me her spare room if I ever want time away from it all.
I just want the week to go faster, I'll have 5 days at Leeds and then they're off to Portugal for 2 weeks!
So I get to spend 2 weeks with the house to myself, it's going to be brilliant!
I'm not even bothered about parties and whatever, I just want some time to myself more then anything.
After we had all calmed down, me and my cousin watched Sweeny Todd!
And I spent the rest of the night watching You've Got Mail with my mum.
My sisters just been lying on my bed listening to music, I was trying to get her to sleep but it didn't work!
But she's one now so I might be able to get some myself,
I spent most of last night unable to sleep because of how bad my teeth hurt!
But the pain has gone now :) I just have to wake up early for work! :/
I'm hoping the rest of the week will be fun,
I want to go shopping on Tuesday with Lucy, I'm seeing Simone on Wednesday and Thursday is results day!
I also need a dentist appointment, doctors appointment, hair cut and hair dye.
And also a big shop at Asda for such thing as baby wipes so that I can survive 5 days in a tent!
Got alot alot to do! I just want tomorrow out of the way and then I might enjoy the week!
Night x

Needed an emotional rant!:/

I've got a stupid amount of shit going on
and if you're reading maybe you'll not be such an inconsiderate twat.
(I'm pretty sure no one cares about my live journal enough to be reading anyway!!)
I don't want to talk about it to friends because people never know what to say,
Or others bring it up all the time and i'ts not things I want to be reminded of everyday.
Things are pretty much kept to myself anyway lately.

Found out last week that my Grandad has cancer in his brain :/
I've never had to deal with anyone close being ill or anything before.
Pretty confused on what to do or how I should be really feeling at this moment.
Sort of hard with exams going on and all the work too, Don't have any time and I'm so stressed with that already.
Don't reckon I'd want to go see him anyway. Not in a harsh way!
Apart from the fact he has to have all his hair shaved off for the operation after knowing him for 17 years with long hair.
It's already really weird to see him.
He's completly forgot who he is, Or atleast believes he's living in some time in the past.
He's not acting normal at all and it was already upsetting to see him before we knew he was ill.
He's been in hospital and keeps trying to escape to get home, and my Grandma's all on her own.
It's a horrible thought and doing this is the first time I've felt like I wanted to cry about it :/

On top of that my families back to it's usual shitty state.
My mum actually packed her bags and left today :/ But it's all back to "normal" now, It'll happen again tomorrow probably.
I'm constantly getting moaned at for no reason at the minute,
He doesn't seem to realise all the work I have to do for exams,
I mean, I've spent the past week pretty much in my bedroom but I'm still doing everything wrong.
And now aparantly I should go live at my Dad's house.
Fucking can't wait untill university, i'll finally...
I'd like to say get away from my shitty family but it's just the numbers of shitty step dads I've had to make my family shit.
I love my mum to pieces and I've realised that.

I'm not going to complain about anything else, cba.

I've not wrote on this in a whileee and I'm bored to fuck haha.
I've hurt my thumb so excuse silly typos although I seem to be correcting them anyway.
Im sat eating yoghurt  in bed at the minute, never realised how much yoghurt reminds me of cheeese.
Mmmm hahaha anway :S 

Things are seeming alot cheerier at the minute.
Well, Im pretty gutted about something but I don't have much else to complain about!
Spent alot of time with Will and Dan at the minute, it's been really good.
Had a get together at Wills with Sophie Pheobe Katie Dan and Joe the other week.
Was doing human pyramids on a trampoline haha it was a brilliant night :)

Easter holidayys now.
Been bloody amazing so far, going to quickly though!
I think I've been hungover for 4 days and today was the first day I've had off work in about a week lmao.
We'v camped out twice already.
The first was terrible because Im an idiot without a sleeping bag and didnt wear enough clothes.
So I was awake all night freezing cold.
It was a laugh though, I seemed to of been stoned which made everything better.
Until the foxes came and I was so so paranoid, was still quite funny though.
Campout last night was really good, was warm this time haha.
It was nice sitting on top of a hill and having a smoke under the stars, as pathetic as that may sound.
But it was really nice.
Finally plucked up the courage to do something I've wanted for about 3 years :/
And it was soo nice just for them few hours.
GUTTEDGUTTEDGUTTED

Hmm realised a few things in the past 2 days.
Unfortunately I can't go into detail because I've realised that people have actually started to read these :/
But yes anyway I'm guttedddd because I have shit timing and have completly lost any chance I probably didn't have anyway because I fucked up too many times as it was.
Ahh that pretty much sums it up.
But most of all I've realised I'm a fucking idiot.
And Adam's put horrible thoughts into my head about Pip moving away when he goes to uni.
Mmm I really don't think I could deal with that, I don't know what I'd do:/
Aerhgjskg it makes me upset.

On the other hand I went shopping today and brought many nice things for me to wear.
And have alot of plans for the next week, Grantham at the weekend, meeting Derby lot, Blood Red Shoes next Friday :)
And I'm very excited about Leeds Festivall in August, it'll be brilliant, can't wait!

But anyway whatever this was pointless because I have to 'forget about things' ectttt.
So, goodnight!

xx

Really pissed off actually.
About the same situation I've complained about in the last 3 entries.
Whatever.
It's so stupid.
I really miss him actually :/ Obviously because I'm a complete twat.
I keep wanting to give him a text, say something at work or start a conversation on msn.
Y'know, just something to break the fucking silence and to stop the ignoring each other.
I even wanted to apologise at one point just to get it all back to normal.
Even though I have nothing to be sorry for.

I'm pretty glad I've held back on making any effort.
Aparantly he "can't be bothered" to sort things out at the minute.
Yeah, all in your own good time.

I've pretty much given up now.
It doesn't stop me from being upset about it though.
Whatever I shouldn't let him make me feel so rubbish.

On a brighter note, I have a good few days lined up.
Grantham tomorrow for a drink then off to Notts for the NME Tour :)
Staying at Simones after, so Grantham all day Wednesday I'm presuming.
I'm quite looking forward to it :)

x

Haha I'm sure many entries will be named that.

Well today, I got uninvited from a party.
The reason? Because the guys who party it is, fancies me:/
Fucking ridiculous haha.
Says he doesn't want me there because he likes me too much,
And he'll get drunk, then we'll "do stuff"
And then he'll be in a mess in the morning.
I was like tbf, I don't even fancy you, I just wanted to go to a party.
I should feel complimented, But now I'm going to be bored all night!

Last night was quite nice.
Katie, George and Tom came round.
I over heard a phone call I wish I hadn't though.

Where are you?
 - At Charlie's.
Urgh That's fucking dirty, what are you doing there?

What the actual fuck,
This is from the guy who was my best friend and used to come around now and then.
Yeah, "best friend."
And I'm still the fucking immature one.
I'm so fed up with it all. I don't understand why he's being so pathetic.
I've not actually done anything to deserve what he's doing.
Thought friends were supposed to be there for you in a time of need. Mm obviously not!
He's such a fucking hypocrit, it gets on my tits!
It's surprising how you can have so much respect for someone,
And realise they have very little, or none at all for you.

Whatevr.
Apart from him, things are great!

Today was real fun!
Me and George walked around town for abit, 
People thought I was his girlfriend, haha love it!
"Gizza blast on yr sort" hahah, some chav shouted it as I walked past with George. Oh what pulling skills they have!
Mmm I've now spent all of my money but I bought some nice clothes and some shoes.. and a belt haha!
We also bought about 3934 packs of sweets for later.
"It's like a little ukulele" :)
We went back to George's and watched Jamanji. Haha it was amazing.
Then George put some weird Anime film on. Hahaha it was about some little girl who got stuck in a spirit world and her parents were turned into pigs.
And there was this monster called no face, who actually had one and a half faces.
He kept being sick so they gave him a bath and then he gave everyone lots of gold.
Fortunatly it as a happy ending and she got her parents back and fell in love with the spirit of the river.
Hmmm, it was all good fun though. And I actually quite enjoyed the film!
Apart from now I'm realllyyy fat! Haha.

x

I'm so fed up, So I'm going to complain about everything on here as I can't be arsed to talk to anybody.
This way I don't get shitty comments that mean nothing from people who only pretend to care:/
Or shitty myspace replies off complete twats who just want to make me feel worse.

I have alot going on right now, everything's clouding my mind and I'm getting really angry about things.
I don't want any sympathy that's why I've not told many people about the things going on.
People will only pretend to care and I prefer it knowing that they don't,
And letting them be twatty towards me so atleast I know that they're being real with me.
But it's always when something's bad is going on that they make me feel like even more of a twat.
Which makes everything worse because it's usually from the one person I truely appreciate, leaving me feeling really alone about things.

This year went well with me pretending that everything had sorted out, then it kind of hit me in the face again tonight.
I bloody hate the reality of things and I didn't want to spend this year the same as I did last year, feeling sorry for myself.
A life of pretence keeps me going but I'm sick of leading that.

Hmm anyway the point of this was to moan about the whole 'best friend' thing.
I'm really fed up about how he always wants to change me.
Tells me I hang around with the wrong people, Tells me I act asif I'm about six, Tells me what I should be spending my nights doing.
I mean, I thought he was pretty much the best guy I'd ever met,
But I always end up wondering, why do I think so much of him whilst he thinks so little of me?

The bit I don't understand the most is about how the arguement always starts because he thinks I'm immature.
Complains about me hanging with my other closest friends, because they act/look to young for him.
Asif I can't hang around with them because they don't meet his standards.
Aparantly I change, which is a fucking complete lie. I'm probably most mature with him.
But it's only when I'm doing something without him when he has the problem with me.
Says I waste my nights with pathetic people doing shit all, when I'm in excatly the same place he is every weekend.
And tbf yes I agree that they're an immature crowd and tbf I'm fed up with the majority of them,
Which is why I've been with a different crowd the past few weeks doing different things with my weekend, THE SAME THAT HE HAS.
I don't fucking understand any of it, And he's still convinced that he's right about everything.
He talks to me asif he's the one with the rights to change what he finds as flaws about me.
He actually said "You have no intentons of changing," of course I don't, I'm not the one who thinks I'm completly flawed.

I'm so fed up with this happening every time he feels like taking it out on someone and thinking that he can judge my life.
It's always me he takes it out on, makes me feel really small asif I do everything wrong.
I'm fed up of him thinking he's right all the time when I know that he's 100% wrong everytime.
I've done shit all this time around, Apart from put all of my effort into making sure we were fine after the last time it happened.
But that isn't even taken into consideration, And I'm not sure I'll do the same this time around.
I don't see why I should whilst he has so many problems with me.

Ending our conversation, he tells me I'm the one at fault, and that he's done nothing wrong.
Hmm what the fuck ever.
Asif by me sat there taking insults is doing something wrong and making it all my fault.
It's fucking ridiculous, no matter what I do will ever be good enough for him,

Fucking sick to death of it.